A Google search will reveal these topics to be the most controversial in the Christian community: homosexuality, abortion, women in leadership, type of worship music, spiritual gifts, baptism, politics from the pulpit, and alcohol consumption. While all of these topics are important and deserve to be studied within Scripture and then to build conviction one way or another within your walk with God, I would actually prefer to talk about a few controversial topics that no one really wants to go near. In this post, I would like to discuss sex within and outside of marriage, being a witness despite persecution, respecting your elders, pouring from an empty cup, discipleship, and a hunger for the Word.

Disclaimers: I will discuss the topics in no particular order. This will feel like a very sporadic and disconnected post, and I believe that is okay. I am practicing and writing is better than not writing. No one is being forced to read these, and, in my imagination, no one does anyway. I am writing from experience but also from what I have gathered from outside sources. I don’t feel that any person should depend solely on their own wisdom but first on wisdom from the Lord and then from amongst His church.

Hunger for the Word. As a young girl, my parents encouraged me to read my Bible often. There would be rare nights when I would begin in Genesis where I felt I couldn’t put the book down. Then there were the more normal months that would go by between when I didn’t touch my Bible at all. Once I attended Bible school, I believed that all my problems were resolved. I had studied the Word chronologically and could understand the context of each book. Surely now I wouldn’t struggle to not only set aside time to read God’s Word but to actually anticipate it? Wrong. Many weeks would go by from one study to the next (I do not consider Sunday morning to be getting ALONE time with the Lord). I kept trying to set a routine and build good habits so that I could work Scripture into my schedule and it could become second nature to spend that time with God.

Then I had children. Things only got harder. Someone challenged me to swap to practicing Scripture memory as a tool to get time in the Word without sitting down when there wasn’t time. Someone else suggested that I read my Bible around the kids, and even if extremely interrupted or minimal time spent, it was time, nonetheless. Someone else suggested that I begin praying Scripture so as to get time with the Lord, both in His Word and in prayer simultaneously. There was plenty of advice to be had and all of it good advice.

The best advice I received though, was to simply ask God to help me hunger for His Word more. I was lacking in an area and I needed His strength, not my own. I could try to build up all the habits in the world but none of it would amount to anything if done apart from the workings of His Holy Spirit. Psalm 119:18 says, “Open my eyes, that I may behold the wondrous things out of Your law.” David is crying out to the Lord for this very thing.

Sex within and outside of marriage. Here is the one that I’m sure piqued your interest, so I won’t keep you waiting. ALL sex outside of marriage (between one man and one woman) is against the Word of the Lord and is sin. He makes this extremely clear in verses such as 1 Corinthians 6:8-11, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Ephesians 5:3, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 7:2, Leviticus 18:22, and Romans 1:26-32. Sexual immorality is any thought, attitude or action involving someone who is not your spouse. What we don’t talk about is the long-term effects of sexual immorality. My parents often told me that it was wrong and that having sex before marriage would have lasting impact, but I never heard what exactly the lasting impact is. Here I will lay out just a little bit of the side effects for you to consider.

Sex before marriage involves giving your entire self to someone who you may not marry and spend the rest of your life with. You have no guarantee of commitment and zero protection in the relationship. There are of course the talked about situations of unexpected pregnancy and detrimental STDs. The less talked about results are the images in your head that you have to combat, even within marriage. The deterioration of your friendship/relationship with the Lord. Your one-day spouse wondering about a silent comparison going on in your head. The panic attacks that come from abuse within the previous relationships where sex was wielded as a weapon. The emotional and phycological damage that occurs when you trust someone but are ultimately abandoned or betrayed. The list goes on. Of course, all of this can be entrusted to the Lord who is our Great Healer and He can put it all to rest but that does take time and a constant yielding to His refining.

Likewise, an affair with someone who is not your spouse, whether emotional or in action, is devastating to everyone involved. There are the same physical risks that truly seem insignificant comparatively to the deeper hurt experienced in an affair. I personally don’t feel that there is much to discuss here because the repercussions seem to me so blatant. Nonetheless, those images of another person will be something of an irritating nag throughout your relationship with your spouse, both in and out of bed. Your legacy will not be one of faithfulness and so you cannot claim that. You will be terrified of the discovery of your thought life, even after confession and reconciliation (reconciliation-if that is offered). Your spouse will constantly be battling thoughts of insufficiency and, when unchecked by the Lord, will be their downfall. The person you cheated with will view themselves in a new light as a “homewrecker” and either take pride in the title or feel like the most repulsing person on the planet. Again, all of this can be remedied by entrusting everything to the Lord who will put it to rest but likewise, it will take time and requires a constant yielding to His refining.

Sex within marriage is another topic I would like to briefly discuss and then let lie. Song of Solomon is a beautiful example of the desire leading up to and then throughout a marriage. The yearning does not fade if you don’t allow it to. Sex was a gift given by God and our desire for intimacy with a spouse is His will for us. Hebrews 13:4 discusses protecting the marriage bed which is so vital in this depraved world. Proverbs 5:18-19 appreciates the attraction that is innate to a couple and encourages us to lean into that desire for our spouse. Those verses read, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth… may her breasts satisfy you always.” These are all intrinsic to a marriage and a healthy sex life.

The verses I would like to dig into are found in 1 Corinthians 7 and read as follows: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” Paul wrote this to help end a debate going on in the Corinthian church and to hopefully resolve the rampant sexual immorality going on. He made it clear that this was not a command from God but rather God laying out what the best thing is for a marriage.

So then, I write, the best thing for your marriage is to have frequent sex with your spouse, all the way to the end of your life. Whether you are young or old, sex is vital to a healthy marriage. I will take it a few steps further as to say that if you are not having frequent sex, your marriage is likely struggling and that you should get help before investing in others.

Respecting your elders.  “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” Proverbs 16:31. We are to respect our elders and revere their words of wisdom. God honors them and the years of experience they have cultivated. His highest praise is their walk with Him and walking the path of righteousness and likewise we should follow in their footsteps. Our elders can give the young words of wisdom either drawing from their successes or their failures. Either way, the information they offer is valuable and should be cherished.

At the same time, the Lord discusses an opportunity to still invest in our elders as they invest in us which at times might be correction. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 reads, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” This conversation must be done in love with a heart for reconciliation. Anything done out of envy or strife is sin and does not come from the Spirit.

1 Peter 5:5 also speaks to a mutual respect, “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” The younger are of course to revere their elders but the elders are also to be dignified in their attitude towards the youth. Any degrading of the younger generations as foolish or “lesser” are proud and God opposes this. The same is true of the younger generations chastising the older generations and speaking disrespectfully.

Discipleship. Titus 2 discusses what I believe to be the essence of biblical discipleship.  “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”

We so often fall short from these verses. Older men should be seeking out younger men to disciple them in the path of righteousness. The same goes for older woman discipling younger women. I often hear that there isn’t enough time in the schedule, there isn’t a connection in the relationship, it’s hard to know who to trust, it’s hard to be vulnerable about certain topics, the older people don’t seem to be interested in discipling, the younger people don’t heed the advice, and the list goes on. Nonetheless, commit to following through on the Word of God even when it isn’t easy. Press on and don’t give up. I have found wonderful women in my life who have invested in me and are faithful to correct when needed so I cherish the relationships. My mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, and women in the church have all been an aid in my growth as a Christian woman.

Being a witness despite persecution. Everyone in the Western church has high hopes of standing firm in the face of persecution. That when faced with death for speaking the name of Christ, they will choose martyrdom. In 1 Corinthians 11 Paul lays out some of the persecution he has faced for spreading the Gospel: working tirelessly, imprisonment, floggings, near death experiences, 39 lashes received five times, three times beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked three times, treading water in the open ocean for a full day and night, constantly on the move, facing dangers from nature, dangers from people, danger all over the place and it continues on. We read these verses in awe of what Paul withstood for His name’s sake and dream of standing our ground in the same way. The trouble I see, though, is that we aren’t willing to speak His name too loudly in a grocery store or tell our coworkers what we did on Sunday. For some, our Friday and Saturday plans completely contradict our Sunday plans. We live for the world and pray to the Lord in private. If you don’t speak the name of Christ and preach His Gospel in your day-to-day through word and action, then you would likely crumble in the face of any real persecution. Focus on your walk with God and yield to His conviction daily.

Pouring from an empty cup. Finally, I will cover stewarding our bodies. God helps us recognize the need for physical care being given to meet a need in the account of Elijah.  1 Kings 19:7-9 tells us of God’s encounter with the depressed prophet, “The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.” We have actual physical needs in this lifetime that require attention or else our bodies will begin to wither. God Himself took a full day to rest after creation. We would be foolish to think that our bodies or minds can withstand constant abuse or energy expended without repercussions.

At the same time, we know that in our weakness He is strong. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 1 Corinthians 12:9-11 shows us that dying to ourselves and getting to the breaking point is often where so much growth can happen and His working through us is so unique. There is of course a balance to strike here but I want to challenge the statement that we have to have margin and self-care routines in order to serve the Lord more fully. I say, in the seasons where you must, yield to the Lord and continue pouring from the empty cup because the only thing that can pour out is Christ Himself. “Less of me and more of You, God.”

Philippians 2:17 “Even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice.”

That is the entirety of my Ted-talk. If there is anyone who reads this and has any questions, comments, concerns, or challenges, feel free to reach out to me. If we are close, then you have my phone number and otherwise my social medias are linked on this page. I love a good debate and won’t shy away from correction if you have something to offer!